1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,904 - GENTLEMEN, WILDERNESS WEEKEND IS UPON US. 2 00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:06,773 THERE WILL BE NO VIDEO GAMES. 3 00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,141 THERE WILL BE NO INTERNET PADS. 4 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,310 THIS WEEKEND YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS: 5 00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:14,013 ME AND MOTHER NATURE. 6 00:00:14,046 --> 00:00:15,748 - AND I... 7 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,184 AM MOTHER NATURE'S BROTHER: 8 00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:19,185 BROTHER NATURE. 9 00:00:19,218 --> 00:00:20,587 BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ANDY. 10 00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,789 OR BROTHER NATURE. 11 00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,290 YOUR CALL. 12 00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:25,958 - THANK YOU, ANDY. - BROTHER NATURE. 13 00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,760 - FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS, 14 00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:31,063 I HAVE SERVED AS TROOP LEADER OF THE PAWNEE RANGERS. 15 00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,099 THIS IS OUR HANDBOOK. 16 00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,236 I WROTE THE WHOLE THING MYSELF. 17 00:00:37,269 --> 00:00:38,938 - OKAY, IT'S TIME TO GIVE OUT THE BADGES. 18 00:00:38,971 --> 00:00:40,072 UM, LET'S SEE. 19 00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,642 EMILY, YOU GET THE BADGE FOR MOST COMMUNITY SERVICE. 20 00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:43,542 [applause] 21 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,913 TO CASEY, THE BEST PENGUIN BLOG BADGE. 22 00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:47,947 [applause] 23 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:48,948 TO ABIGAIL, 24 00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:50,983 FLYEST HAIRSTYLE. 25 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,352 AND ANN GETS THE BADGE FOR SECOND-FLYEST HAIRSTYLE. 26 00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:55,154 - OH! I WASN'T COMPETING FOR THAT. 27 00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:56,255 - I'LL SAY. 28 00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,456 FIVE YEARS AGO, 29 00:00:57,489 --> 00:01:00,627 A PLUCKY FIFTH-GRADER WANTED TO JOIN THE PAWNEE RANGERS, 30 00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,362 BUT THEIR EXECUTIVE COUNCIL SAID WHAT OBNOXIOUS JERKS ALWAYS SAY. 31 00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:05,131 "NO. THIS IS MALES-ONLY. 32 00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,265 GO START YOUR OWN CLUB." 33 00:01:06,298 --> 00:01:08,167 SHE COULDN'T. 34 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,036 SO I DID. 35 00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:11,337 WE'RE CALLED THE PAWNEE GODDESSES, 36 00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:13,806 AND WE'RE FREAKIN' AWESOME. 37 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,842 HEY, RON, WHOSE CLUB DO YOU THINK IS BETTER, 38 00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,176 YOURS OR MINE? 39 00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:18,778 THE ANSWER IS MINE. SAY MINE IS BETTER. 40 00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,212 - IT'S NOT A COMPETITION. 41 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,848 - OH, BUT IT IS. 42 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,983 YOUR CLUB MADE IT A COMPETITION WHEN THEY KEPT GIRLS OUT. 43 00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:25,885 [as a Southern belle] OH, MY STARS. 44 00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:27,353 I'M JUST A LITTLE LADY. 45 00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:30,790 MY FRAGILE CONSTITUTION CANNOT HANDLE THE FEARSOME OUTDOORS. 46 00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:33,059 - I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH STRONG WOMEN, LESLIE. 47 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,694 WHO'S LESLIE? 48 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,163 MY NAME IS ANNABELLE VANDERGRAF, 49 00:01:37,196 --> 00:01:38,998 AND, Y'ALL, 50 00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:40,199 I JUST FALL TO PIECES 51 00:01:40,232 --> 00:01:42,001 WHEN THE SUN SHINES 52 00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,103 ON MY HAIR--ED. 53 00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:47,774 - HOWEVER, THE PAWNEE RANGERS WERE FOUNDED BECAUSE SOME BOYS 54 00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,942 WANT TO GO OUT INTO NATURE 55 00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,011 AND LEARN TRADITIONAL SURVIVAL SKILLS 56 00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:53,880 WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED BY GIRLS. 57 00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,848 - WELL, MY AWESOME GODDESSES DON'T WANT TO BE DISTRACTED 58 00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,784 BY LOSERS. 59 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:58,785 SAY MY CLUB IS BETTER, RON. 60 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,052 SAY IT. 61 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,120 MY CLUB IS BETTER. 62 00:02:01,153 --> 00:02:02,288 SAY IT. 63 00:02:02,321 --> 00:02:03,856 COME ON. SAY IT'S BETTER. 64 00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:04,991 SAY IT. 65 00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,192 SAY IT'S BETTER. SAY MY CLUB IS BETTER. 66 00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:07,193 SAY IT. GIVE IT UP. 67 00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,194 WHOSE CLUB IS BETTER? MINE. 68 00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,195 SAY IT. YOU KNOW IT. 69 00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:10,930 SAY IT. 70 00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:12,098 - ON PRINCIPAL, I NEVER SAY ANYTHING 71 00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,234 THAT ANOTHER PERSON IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO GET ME TO SAY. 72 00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:17,436 MY FIRST WEDDING CEREMONY TOOK TWO HOURS, 73 00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:20,907 BECAUSE AFTER THE PRIEST SAID "REPEAT AFTER ME" 74 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,843 I FELL SILENT. 75 00:02:23,876 --> 00:02:26,846 [triumphant music] 76 00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:32,885 * 77 00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,232 - I'VE BEEN AUDITING THE BUDGET, AND I NOTICED 78 00:02:46,265 --> 00:02:48,267 YOU'RE WAY BEHIND ON YOUR PAPERWORK. 79 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,470 UH, JERRY, YOU HAVEN'T FILLED OUT A PC-10 FORM 80 00:02:51,503 --> 00:02:53,439 IN TWO AND A HALF YEARS. 81 00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,041 - AW, JEEZ, I'M SORRY. 82 00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,476 - YEAH, WE KINDA DO OUR PAPERWORK AT OUR OWN SPEED. 83 00:02:57,509 --> 00:02:58,878 - OH, REALLY? 84 00:02:58,911 --> 00:03:00,412 WELL, I KINDA NEED YOU TO DO IT AT MY SPEED. 85 00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:03,382 - FINE, I'LL DO THEM. 86 00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:04,483 WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TODAY? 87 00:03:04,516 --> 00:03:05,384 DID THEY CANCEL GAME OF THRONES? 88 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,820 - NOTHING IS WRONG, JUST DO YOUR JOB. 89 00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:13,425 AND THEY WOULD NEVER CANCEL GAME OF THRONES. 90 00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,326 IT'S A CROSSOVER HIT. 91 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,462 IT'S NOT JUST FOR FANTASY ENTHUSIASTS. 92 00:03:16,495 --> 00:03:19,365 THEY'RE TELLING HUMAN STORIES IN A FANTASY WORLD. 93 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:24,236 FILL OUT THE FORMS, PLEASE. THANK YOU. 94 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,305 I USED TO HAVE ONE REALLY GOOD REASON 95 00:03:26,338 --> 00:03:27,306 FOR STAYING IN PAWNEE. 96 00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:31,077 BUT NOW, I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S KEEPING ME HERE. 97 00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:33,880 ALTHOUGH, I AM JUST TWO SANDWICHES AWAY 98 00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,382 FROM A FREE MEATBALL SUB. 99 00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:41,120 THIS IS EXPIRED. 100 00:03:41,153 --> 00:03:44,824 [girls squealing] 101 00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:47,359 - RANGERS, AS A REWARD FOR COMING ON THIS TRIP, 102 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,896 I HAVE GOTTEN YOU EACH TWO GIFTS. 103 00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,130 GO AHEAD. OPEN 'EM. 104 00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:56,168 - WHAT IS THIS? 105 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,237 - THAT IS A CANVAS SHEET, 106 00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:01,107 THE MOST VERSATILE OBJECT KNOWN TO MAN. 107 00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,309 IT CAN BE USED TO MAKE TENTS, BACKPACKS, 108 00:04:03,342 --> 00:04:05,011 SHOES, STRETCHERS, 109 00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,412 SAILS, TARPAULINS, 110 00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:09,481 AND I SUPPOSE, IN THE MOST DIRE OF CIRCUMSTANCES, 111 00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:12,118 IT CAN BE A SURFACE ON WHICH TO MAKE 112 00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,085 "ART." 113 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,353 - WHAT'S THE SECOND GIFT? 114 00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:17,223 - THE SECOND GIFT IS THE BOX ITSELF. 115 00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:20,092 YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES TO ASSEMBLE A SHELTER 116 00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,862 USING ONLY YOUR TWO GIFTS. 117 00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:23,863 GO. 118 00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:24,831 - LADIES! 119 00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,300 THE GODDESS CABIN HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER. 120 00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,369 THIS YEAR'S CABIN REFURBISHMENT BADGE 121 00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:32,872 IS GOING TO BE HOTLY CONTESTED. 122 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,373 OKAY, SO WHAT DID EVERYBODY MAKE 123 00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,408 FOR THEIR LOOSELY STRUCTURED CRAFT TIME? 124 00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,409 LAUREN? 125 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:38,510 - I MADE A "GERTRUDE STEIN." 126 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,346 [applause] 127 00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:43,049 - AMAZING. LAUREN, THAT'S SO GOOD! 128 00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,517 I REALLY WOULDN'T WANT TO FOLLOW THAT. 129 00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,219 ANN? 130 00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:48,187 - OH, BOY. UM... 131 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:52,358 I WAS MAKING SOME CORNHUSK DOLLS FOR EVERYONE 132 00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,193 BUT THEY KINDA TURNED OUT WRONG 133 00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,228 SO THEY LOOK LIKE MONSTERS. 134 00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,231 I'M SORRY. 135 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:02,468 I'M JUST GONNA PUT THAT OVER THERE. 136 00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,370 IN THE FIRE. 137 00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:05,604 - WELL, ANN'S KEEPING US WARM. 138 00:05:05,637 --> 00:05:07,373 AND THAT'S IMPORTANT. 139 00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:08,340 APRIL? 140 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,342 [strums ukulele] * WHAT WAS YOUR CRAFT? 141 00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,245 - I DREW SOMETHING ON MY ARM. 142 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,081 IT'S A PIONEER GIRL WATCHING HER GRANDMOTHER 143 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,082 GET TRAMPLED BY A BUFFALO. 144 00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:19,351 [all ooh and aww] 145 00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,053 YEAH. THIS RIGHT HERE'S ALL THE BLOOD 146 00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,054 COMING OUT HER FACE. 147 00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:23,990 [rap music] 148 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:25,424 - DJ BLUNTZ IS IN THE BUILDING, 149 00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:27,393 HERE TO ANNOUNCE THAT TOM HAVERFORD 150 00:05:27,426 --> 00:05:29,228 IS IN THE BUILDING. 151 00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:31,497 - OH! 1-2, 1-2! 152 00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,465 DONATELLA. - T-MOBILE. 153 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,934 - THREE WORDS FOR YOU: 154 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,468 TREAT. YO. SELF. 155 00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,405 both: * TREAT YOURSELF 2011 156 00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:40,940 - ONCE A YEAR, DONNA AND I 157 00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,341 SPEND A DAY TREATING OURSELVES. 158 00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:44,110 WHAT DO WE TREAT OURSELVES TO? 159 00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:45,477 - CLOTHES. - TREAT YOURSELF. 160 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,478 - FRAGRANCES. - TREAT YOURSELF. 161 00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,180 - MASSAGES. - TREAT YOURSELF. 162 00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,415 - MIMOSAS. - TREAT YOURSELF. 163 00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,984 - FINE LEATHER GOODS. - TREAT YOURSELF! 164 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,419 - IT'S THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR. 165 00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,354 both: * THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR 166 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:56,455 - I GOT A QUESTION. 167 00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:57,356 - MM-HMM? 168 00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,125 - WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT INVITING BEN 169 00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,326 TO COME ALONG WITH US TODAY? 170 00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,561 - WHAT? NOO! 171 00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:03,662 THIS IS OUR THING. 172 00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:05,564 - BUT HE REALLY SEEMS LIKE HE COULD USE A DAY OFF. 173 00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:07,366 HE'S LIKE A SKINNY LITTLE RUBBER BAND 174 00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:09,101 THAT'S ABOUT TO SNAP IN HALF. 175 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,437 - EXACTLY. HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX. 176 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,505 - DONNA, YOU AND I ARE RELAXATION PROFESSIONALS. 177 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,540 THERE'S NO WAY BEN CAN SLOW DOWN ENOUGH 178 00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:16,108 TO KEEP UP WITH US. 179 00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,676 MY NUBIAN PRINCESS, THIS IS OUR HOLY DAY. 180 00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:20,412 IT'S THE ONE DAY A YEAR I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE SELFISH. 181 00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:21,613 - OOH, CUPCAKES. 182 00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,415 - THOSE ARE ALL FOR ME, JERRY. 183 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:27,053 - THIS HOMEMADE BULGOGI IS SO DELICIOUS, KAYLA. 184 00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:28,587 THIS IS THE BEST KOREAN FOOD I'VE EVER HAD. 185 00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,322 I WOULD SAY IT'S ALMOST AS GOOD AS 186 00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:33,259 LUKEWARM BEANS FROM A CAN. 187 00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,261 RIGHT, RON? 188 00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:37,329 - I'M TRYING TO TEACH MY BOYS ABOUT RATIONING FOOD, 189 00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,398 AND YOUR SELF-INDULGENT 190 00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,500 ETHNIC FOOD COURT ISN'T HELPING. 191 00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:44,070 - GODDESSES, LET'S GO OVER OUR SCHEDULE FOR THIS AFTERNOON. 192 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,372 WE HAVE HIKING, AND THEN CAPTURE THE FLAG, 193 00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,374 AND THEN A PUPPET SHOW ABOUT THE BILL OF RIGHTS 194 00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:51,310 SET TO "PARTY IN THE USA" BY MILEY CYRUS, 195 00:06:51,343 --> 00:06:53,479 AND THEN WE HAVE LASSO TRAINING, 196 00:06:53,512 --> 00:06:55,414 AND A S'MORES-OFF. 197 00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,416 [cheering] 198 00:06:57,449 --> 00:06:59,651 - SO WHAT'S ON OUR SCHEDULE, MR. SWANSON? 199 00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:03,255 - WE HAVE ONE ACTIVITY PLANNED: 200 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:04,523 NOT GETTING KILLED. 201 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,196 - JERRY. 202 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:12,164 OH, EVERYBODY MUST BE AT RANGERS WEEKEND. 203 00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,966 - YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY WAS A RANGER FOR 12 YEARS-- 204 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:14,800 - THAT'S WONDERFUL. 205 00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,168 MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAKE THE DAY OFF. 206 00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,104 YOU KNOW, REST IS VERY IMPORTANT. 207 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:21,340 DID YOU KNOW THAT LAB RATS WHO ARE DEPRIVED OF REST 208 00:07:21,373 --> 00:07:23,342 GROW TUMORS ALL OVER THEIR BODIES? 209 00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:24,510 YOU SHOULD GOOGLE IT. IT'S HORRIFYING. 210 00:07:24,543 --> 00:07:26,012 - UH, THANK YOU. YES. 211 00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,379 YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA-- 212 00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,414 I'M GONNA GO HAVE LUNCH WITH MY DAUGHTER! 213 00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,648 YOU KNOW, CHRIS, IF YOU WANTED, 214 00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:31,550 YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD JOIN US FOR LUNCH. 215 00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,219 MY DAUGHTER, SHE'S REALLY SWEET. 216 00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,720 - I WOULD LOVE TO, JERRY, BUT I'M AFRAID THAT I AM BUSY. 217 00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:36,288 I HAVE GOT TO RUN. 218 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,356 GOOGLE THOSE RAT TUMORS! 219 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,627 both: * TREAT YOURSELF 2011 220 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,762 - OH, LORD. 221 00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,197 IS HE EATING SOUP? 222 00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,765 ON A BENCH? ALONE? 223 00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:49,401 - TOM. 224 00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:50,569 - [sighs] FINE. 225 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,340 - COME ON, RUBBER BAND. COME WITH US. 226 00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:55,441 - WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU-- 227 00:07:55,474 --> 00:07:56,675 - NO ARGUING. 228 00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:57,776 AND NO SOUP IN THE BENZ. 229 00:07:57,809 --> 00:08:00,079 GET IN. - WHA? 230 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,380 WHAT? 231 00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:02,381 WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW? 232 00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:06,418 [girls screaming] 233 00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,653 [ukulele] 234 00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:10,156 - GREAT PILLOW FIGHT, GIRLS. 235 00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,024 THAT WAS ONE OF OUR BEST ONES YET. 236 00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,093 OKAY. NOW IT'S TIME FOR AWARDS. 237 00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:16,395 LULU GETS THE GOLDEN PILLOW. 238 00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:19,398 AND THE SILVER PILLOW GOES TO JANIE. 239 00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:20,399 [knock at door] 240 00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:21,400 OOH! 241 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:24,770 YES, WHAT IS IT? 242 00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:26,772 - MS. KNOPE, 243 00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,507 I DON'T LIKE THE RANGERS ANYMORE. 244 00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,410 I WANT TO BECOME A PAWNEE GODDESS. 245 00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:32,478 - I DID IT! 246 00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,780 MY CLUB IS OFFICIALLY THE BEST CLUB. 247 00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:36,548 I WOULD GIVE MYSELF A MERIT BADGE THAT SAYS 248 00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,317 "BEST CLUB FOUNDER," BUT I DON'T HAVE ONE, 249 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,451 SO I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF 250 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,654 "PRETTIEST EYES" AS A PLACEHOLDER. 251 00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,390 I SECRETLY ALWAYS WANTED THIS BADGE, 252 00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:46,325 SO IT WORKS OUT GREAT. 253 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,767 - YOU WERE DEFECTING? 254 00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,836 - I LIKE YOU, MR. SWANSON, IT'S JUST... 255 00:08:52,869 --> 00:08:54,871 ALL WE DO IS SIT IN SILENCE AND EAT BEANS. 256 00:08:54,905 --> 00:08:57,774 - THOSE BEANS WERE A REWARD. 257 00:08:57,808 --> 00:08:58,775 - WELL, SEE, THE THING IS 258 00:08:58,809 --> 00:08:59,776 THIS CLUB IS FOR GIRLS ONLY. 259 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:02,446 MAYBE YOU SHOULD START YOUR OWN CLUB, FOR BOYS. 260 00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:03,514 - GET BACK TO YOUR CANVAS BOX. 261 00:09:03,547 --> 00:09:05,682 WE'LL DISCUSS THIS NO FURTHER. 262 00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,618 AND I'LL THANK YOU TO KEEP THE RUCKUS DOWN 263 00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:09,953 SO MY BOYS CAN FOCUS ON SOLITUDE. 264 00:09:09,986 --> 00:09:11,988 - I'M SORRY, DARREN. - LET'S GO. 265 00:09:14,691 --> 00:09:16,860 - SO, TREAT YOURSELF DAY IS JUST A DAY 266 00:09:16,893 --> 00:09:20,063 WHERE YOU GO TO THE SPA AND THEN THE MALL? 267 00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:21,031 - [sighs] 268 00:09:21,064 --> 00:09:22,566 I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T GET IT. 269 00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:24,935 - WELL, I'M A RELAXATION NOVICE. 270 00:09:24,968 --> 00:09:25,936 GIVE ME SOME GUIDANCE. 271 00:09:25,969 --> 00:09:27,738 - LISTEN TO ME, BEN-TO BOX, 272 00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:29,773 THE POINT OF THIS IS TO PAMPER YOURSELF. 273 00:09:29,806 --> 00:09:32,042 JUST RELAAAX, MAN. 274 00:09:32,075 --> 00:09:32,843 - I CAN'T. 275 00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,811 SOMETHING ABOUT THE SOUND OF HARPS 276 00:09:34,845 --> 00:09:37,448 THAT MAKES ME NERVOUS. 277 00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:38,782 OH, MY GOD! 278 00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:40,016 - HI, DONNA. - HEY. 279 00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,985 RELAXATION LESSON NUMBER ONE: 280 00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:43,854 ACUPUNCTURE. 281 00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,989 IT'S GREAT FOR YOUR BACK, AND YOUR REAR. 282 00:09:46,022 --> 00:09:49,025 NEEDLES IN YOUR FACE, PLEASURE IN YOUR BASE. 283 00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,997 - [laughing] I KNOW. - THAT'S MY BOSS. 284 00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:55,666 [clears throat] HEY, CHRIS. 285 00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:58,935 UH, I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MEET MY DAUGHTER, MILLICENT. 286 00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:00,704 - WOW. 287 00:10:00,737 --> 00:10:01,805 JERRY, GREAT JOB. 288 00:10:01,838 --> 00:10:02,973 I'M YOUR DAD'S BOSS. 289 00:10:03,006 --> 00:10:04,908 AND HIS MUCH-YOUNGER FRIEND. 290 00:10:04,941 --> 00:10:06,543 - PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. 291 00:10:06,577 --> 00:10:07,711 - ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL? 292 00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:10,481 I SAY SHE LOOKS LIKE MY WIFE, GAYLE, 293 00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:12,583 AND GAYLE AGREES. [laughs] 294 00:10:12,616 --> 00:10:14,751 SO, ANYWAY, WE WERE GONNA GO TO LUNCH, SO-- 295 00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:17,654 - I RETROACTIVELY ACCEPT YOUR ORIGINAL OFFER. 296 00:10:17,688 --> 00:10:18,655 LET'S GO! 297 00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:19,823 - LADIES, I JUST WANTED 298 00:10:19,856 --> 00:10:22,959 TO THANK YOU FOR NOT CHEERING WHEN I SENT DARREN AWAY. 299 00:10:22,993 --> 00:10:25,095 - MS. KNOPE, WASN'T DARREN JUST ASKING 300 00:10:25,128 --> 00:10:26,863 FOR THE SAME EQUALITY THAT YOU AND THE GODDESSES 301 00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:29,900 WANTED FIVE YEARS AGO? 302 00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:30,901 - IN A SENSE, 303 00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,769 BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN-- 304 00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:34,104 - WASN'T YOUR ANSWER THE VERY SAME THING 305 00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:36,607 THAT THE RANGER COUNCIL SAID TO YOU? 306 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,474 "STICK TO YOUR OWN KIND"? 307 00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:40,043 - WHO WANTS HOMEMADE PEANUT BRITTLE? 308 00:10:40,076 --> 00:10:42,879 - MS. PERKINS, PLEASE, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEBATE. 309 00:10:42,913 --> 00:10:44,481 - SORRY. 310 00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,616 - COME ON, GODDESSES. 311 00:10:45,649 --> 00:10:47,651 WE JUST STRUCK A HUGE BLOW FOR EQUALITY 312 00:10:47,684 --> 00:10:49,119 BY PROVING THAT WE WERE BETTER THAN THEM. 313 00:10:49,152 --> 00:10:50,153 - I DISAGREE. 314 00:10:50,186 --> 00:10:51,988 - WHAT ABOUT A PUBLIC FORUM? 315 00:10:52,022 --> 00:10:53,824 YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT THERE'S NO BETTER SOLUTION 316 00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:54,758 FOR A HOT-BUTTON ISSUE 317 00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,594 THAN A GOOD OL'-FASHIONED PUBLIC FORUM. 318 00:10:57,628 --> 00:10:58,595 - [low] GREAT IDEA, LAUREN. 319 00:10:58,629 --> 00:10:59,896 - WHAT WAS THAT? 320 00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,533 - I SAID, "GREAT IDEA, LAUREN." 321 00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:03,967 I'VE TAUGHT THEM TOO WELL. 322 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,970 I'VE CREATED A MOB OF LITTLE LESLIE KNOPE MONSTERS. 323 00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,238 I'M SO PROUD. 324 00:11:08,271 --> 00:11:09,506 AND A LITTLE ANNOYED. 325 00:11:09,540 --> 00:11:11,074 BUT MOSTLY PROUD. 326 00:11:11,107 --> 00:11:12,609 70/30. 327 00:11:12,643 --> 00:11:14,611 - JUST RELAX AND DON'T MOVE. 328 00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,613 - OKAY. AH... 329 00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:18,782 THIS IS THE MOST 330 00:11:18,815 --> 00:11:21,685 STRESSED-OUT I'VE EVER BEEN 331 00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:22,786 IN MY LIFE. 332 00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:24,087 - BEN, LISTEN. 333 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,922 I'M GONNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT THINGS YOU LIKE 334 00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:27,123 TO TAKE YOUR MIND OFF THE NEEDLES, OKAY? 335 00:11:27,157 --> 00:11:28,124 - [grunts] 336 00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,894 - ACCOUNTING. 337 00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:31,895 TRIGONOMETRY. 338 00:11:31,928 --> 00:11:33,029 STAMPS, PROBABLY. 339 00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,264 - MORE OF A RARE COINS GUY. 340 00:11:34,297 --> 00:11:35,932 HELP ME. HELP ME! 341 00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:39,636 - THERE IS NOTHING THAT I LIKE MORE THAN RUNNING FOR CHARITY. 342 00:11:39,670 --> 00:11:41,972 - YOU KNOW, LAST SUMMER I DID A 50-MILE BIKE RIDE 343 00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,907 FOR THE RED CROSS. - YES, SHE DID. 344 00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,041 - MILLICENT GERGICH, 345 00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:47,177 BIKING FOR CHARITY IS LITERALLY 346 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,979 ONE OF MY INTERESTS ON FACEBOOK. 347 00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,013 [all laugh] 348 00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:51,982 I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW ALIKE WE ARE. 349 00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,618 - I KNOW, IT'S LIKE WE'RE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON. 350 00:11:54,651 --> 00:11:57,320 - [laughs] 351 00:11:57,353 --> 00:12:00,624 WE ARE HAVING A MOMENT. 352 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,059 - ATTENTION, EVERYONE. 353 00:12:03,093 --> 00:12:04,961 WELCOME TO WONDER WEEKEND'S 354 00:12:04,995 --> 00:12:07,698 FIRST-EVER PUBLIC FORUM. 355 00:12:07,731 --> 00:12:09,165 OUR TOPIC TODAY? 356 00:12:09,199 --> 00:12:10,767 SHOULD THE AMAZING GODDESSES 357 00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:14,037 TAKE PITY ON THE ONCE-POWERFUL PAWNEE RANGERS, 358 00:12:14,070 --> 00:12:17,741 AND LET THEM INTO OUR CLEARLY SUPERIOR ORGANIZATION? 359 00:12:17,774 --> 00:12:19,776 RON, YOUR OPENING STATEMENT. 360 00:12:22,145 --> 00:12:23,880 - THIS FORUM, LIKE ALL PUBLIC FORUMS, 361 00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:24,948 IS A WASTE OF TIME. 362 00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:26,182 THANK YOU. 363 00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:27,584 - POWERFUL STUFF. 364 00:12:27,618 --> 00:12:30,020 OKAY. LET'S OPEN UP THE FLOOR TO DEBATE. 365 00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,688 WHO--YES, ABIGAIL. 366 00:12:31,722 --> 00:12:34,825 - ISN'T IT LIKE BROWN VS. THE BOARD OF EDUCATION? 367 00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,893 SEPARATE BUT EQUAL IS NEVER REALLY EQUAL. 368 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,028 WE SHOULD LET THE BOYS IN. 369 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,696 - MMM, INTERESTING. CASEY? 370 00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:40,797 - I DISAGREE. 371 00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:42,265 I THINK THERE'S A BENEFIT TO EDUCATING THE GENDERS 372 00:12:42,298 --> 00:12:43,366 SEPARATELY. 373 00:12:43,399 --> 00:12:45,368 - I SEE WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM. 374 00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:46,937 LET'S HEAR FROM A RANGER. 375 00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:49,039 ANYONE? DARREN? 376 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,775 - IT'S COLD AND DIRTY OUT HERE. 377 00:12:51,808 --> 00:12:53,944 AND YOU GUYS HAVE CANDY. 378 00:12:53,977 --> 00:12:55,345 I WANT THE CANDY. 379 00:12:55,378 --> 00:12:58,081 - THE GODDESSES ARE MAKING SOME WELL-INFORMED STATEMENTS, 380 00:12:58,114 --> 00:12:59,816 BUT THE MOST COMPELLING POINT 381 00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,852 IS FROM DARREN, ABOUT THE CANDY. 382 00:13:01,885 --> 00:13:04,354 WE HAVE AMAZING CANDY IN THERE. 383 00:13:04,387 --> 00:13:06,389 - WELCOME TO NIRVANA, 384 00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:08,158 THE PLAZA AT EAGLETON. 385 00:13:08,191 --> 00:13:09,926 THERE'S A REFLECTING POOL OUT BACK, 386 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,962 THERE'S AN OLD-TIMEY TRAIN THAT RUNS THROUGH THE MALL, 387 00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:14,230 AND THREE BURBERRYS. 388 00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:15,966 IF YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND, "HEY, MEET ME AT BURBERRY," 389 00:13:15,999 --> 00:13:18,802 THEY GOTTA SPECIFY WHICH ONE. 390 00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:19,970 - LET'S HIT IT. 391 00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:22,338 - I REALLY WANT THIS DRESS, 392 00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:24,174 AND I LIKE THIS CRYSTAL BEETLE, 393 00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:27,911 BUT IT'S EXPENSIVE AND THERE'S NO USE FOR IT. 394 00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:29,179 - DONNA MEAGLE? 395 00:13:29,212 --> 00:13:31,047 TREAT YOURSELF. 396 00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,283 VELVET SLIPPIES, CASHMERE SOCKS, 397 00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:35,385 VELVET PANTS, CASHMERE TURTLE. 398 00:13:35,418 --> 00:13:37,153 I'M A CASHMERE-VELVET CANDY CANE. 399 00:13:37,187 --> 00:13:39,890 - TREAT YOURSELF. 400 00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:41,257 - I MEAN, THIS IS INSANE. 401 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,868 - JERRY, A WORD? 402 00:13:44,901 --> 00:13:45,969 - OF COURSE. 403 00:13:46,002 --> 00:13:48,405 - I HAD AN AMAZING LUNCH. 404 00:13:48,439 --> 00:13:50,707 I'VE ALREADY PASSED THE KALE SALAD I HAD. 405 00:13:50,741 --> 00:13:51,575 BUT, EVEN BETTER? 406 00:13:51,608 --> 00:13:53,744 YOUR DAUGHTER WAS DELIGHTFUL COMPANY. 407 00:13:53,777 --> 00:13:55,412 NOW, I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU 408 00:13:55,446 --> 00:13:56,847 IN AN AWKWARD POSITION, BUT-- 409 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,815 - YOU WOULD LIKE TO DATE MY DAUGHTER. 410 00:13:58,849 --> 00:13:59,816 - YES! BUT YOU ARE HER FATHER. 411 00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,785 AND THAT IS A SACRED THING. 412 00:14:01,818 --> 00:14:03,787 I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND THE NEXT 2 TO 4 DAYS WITH YOU 413 00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:05,155 SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME BETTER, 414 00:14:05,188 --> 00:14:06,823 TO FIND OUT IF I'M THE KIND OF PERSON 415 00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:08,559 WHO'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOUR DAUGHTER. 416 00:14:08,592 --> 00:14:09,760 THEN, YOU CAN COME WITH US 417 00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,127 ON OUR FIRST 3 TO 6 DATES-- 418 00:14:11,161 --> 00:14:12,128 - CHRIS, I APPRECIATE THE GESTURE, 419 00:14:12,162 --> 00:14:13,664 IT'S VERY NICE, 420 00:14:13,697 --> 00:14:15,466 BUT, MILLY, SHE'S A GROWN WOMAN, 421 00:14:15,499 --> 00:14:16,800 AND OF COURSE I TRUST HER. 422 00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,802 AND I TRUST YOU. 423 00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:19,903 - JERRY. 424 00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:20,937 THANK YOU. 425 00:14:26,109 --> 00:14:27,478 - MMM. 426 00:14:27,511 --> 00:14:28,845 - BOYS, I'M TRYING TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING 427 00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:32,549 ABOUT NATURE AND SELF-RELIANCE. 428 00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,918 NOTHING BEATS HARD WORK AND DETERMINATION. 429 00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:36,620 - IS THIS THE PAWNEE GODDESSES? 430 00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:37,621 I'VE GOT THE PUPPIES YOU ORDERED. 431 00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:38,421 - OH! 432 00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:40,090 THE PUPPIES FOR THE PUPPY PARTY 433 00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:41,492 THAT WE'RE HAVING IN OUR CABIN? 434 00:14:41,525 --> 00:14:42,493 THOSE PUPPIES? 435 00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:43,494 - WHAT? 436 00:14:43,527 --> 00:14:44,761 NOO! 437 00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:47,163 [laughing and fawning] 438 00:14:49,032 --> 00:14:52,002 - MAN, DID YOU BUY ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF TODAY? 439 00:14:52,035 --> 00:14:53,470 - YEAH, I GOT THIS PACK OF SOCKS. 440 00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:54,471 - PLAIN WHITE SOCKS? 441 00:14:54,505 --> 00:14:55,672 THAT'S NOT A TREAT! 442 00:14:55,706 --> 00:14:56,673 DONNA! 443 00:14:56,707 --> 00:14:57,874 GET ME AWAY FROM HIM. 444 00:14:57,908 --> 00:15:00,010 - LOOK. MAYBE THIS IS OUR VERSION OF TREAT YOURSELF DAY 445 00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:01,712 AND HE NEEDS TO DO HIS VERSION. 446 00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:02,813 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 447 00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:05,181 - WYATT, IF YOU COULD BLOW BIG MONEY ON ONE THING-- 448 00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:06,683 NOT SOCK MONEY-- 449 00:15:06,717 --> 00:15:09,653 WHAT WOULD IT BE? 450 00:15:13,724 --> 00:15:15,225 - OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! 451 00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:16,693 THIS IS A WHOLE NEW LEVEL OF NERD. 452 00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:18,729 - YOU'RE RIGHT. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 453 00:15:18,762 --> 00:15:19,730 WHAT AM I DOING? 454 00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:20,531 - WAIT. NO, NO, NO, NO. 455 00:15:20,564 --> 00:15:22,132 I MEAN THAT IN A GOOD WAY, BEN. 456 00:15:22,165 --> 00:15:23,667 LISTEN TO ME, 457 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,736 YOU'RE PART OF THE TREAT YOURSELF TEAM NOW, OKAY? 458 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,638 IF THAT COSTUME SOMEHOW MAKES YOU HAPPY, 459 00:15:27,671 --> 00:15:29,540 YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT. 460 00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:31,675 AND YOU'RE GONNA WEAR IT OUT OF THE STORE, OKAY? 461 00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:32,676 YOU'RE GONNA TREAT YOURSELF. 462 00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:33,677 - YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 463 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:34,745 I'M GONNA DO THAT. 464 00:15:34,778 --> 00:15:36,079 I'M GONNA-- 465 00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:37,781 I'M GONNA TREAT MYSELF. 466 00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,816 THANKS, YOU GUYS. 467 00:15:41,652 --> 00:15:44,755 [crying] THANK YOU. 468 00:15:44,788 --> 00:15:46,623 I REALLY NEEDED THIS. 469 00:15:46,657 --> 00:15:47,991 [sobbing] 470 00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:51,995 I'M GONNA TREAT MYSELF. 471 00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:54,765 - UH-OH. BATMAN'S CRYING. 472 00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:57,000 - I AM A GODDESS. 473 00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,670 A GLORIOUS FEMALE WARRIOR. 474 00:15:59,703 --> 00:16:01,605 all: I AM A GODDESS. 475 00:16:01,638 --> 00:16:03,974 A GLORIOUS FEMALE WARRIOR. 476 00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:06,209 QUEEN OF ALL THAT I SURVEY. 477 00:16:06,242 --> 00:16:09,613 all: QUEEN OF ALL THAT I SURVEY. 478 00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:11,848 ENEMIES OF FAIRNESS AND EQUALITY, 479 00:16:11,882 --> 00:16:13,750 HEAR MY WOMANLY ROAR. 480 00:16:13,784 --> 00:16:16,953 all: ENEMIES OF FAIRNESS AND EQUALITY, 481 00:16:16,987 --> 00:16:19,856 HEAR MY WOMANLY ROAR. 482 00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,992 [screams] 483 00:16:22,025 --> 00:16:25,261 [all scream] 484 00:16:25,295 --> 00:16:26,863 - CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW GODDESSES. 485 00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,699 - OH, MY GOD! 486 00:16:28,732 --> 00:16:29,666 [applause and cheers] 487 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,668 - NOW, HAVE YOURSELVES 488 00:16:31,702 --> 00:16:32,669 A PUPPY PARTY. 489 00:16:32,703 --> 00:16:34,705 [puppies barking] 490 00:16:41,144 --> 00:16:42,545 OH, BOY. 491 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,268 - HEY. 492 00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:50,503 CAN I SIT DOWN? 493 00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:54,975 LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. 494 00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:57,978 I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE PAWNEE RANGERS, 495 00:16:58,011 --> 00:17:00,280 EVEN IF THEY WERE JERKS FIVE YEARS AGO. 496 00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:02,215 YOU'RE NOT A JERK. 497 00:17:02,248 --> 00:17:05,185 YOU'RE A GOOD TROOP LEADER. 498 00:17:05,218 --> 00:17:07,821 - NOT FOR THESE TIMES I'M NOT. 499 00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:10,190 IT'S TAKEN ME A WHILE TO SEE THIS, 500 00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:13,059 BUT THESE KIDS... 501 00:17:13,093 --> 00:17:15,195 I DON'T UNDERSTAND 'EM. 502 00:17:15,228 --> 00:17:17,297 AND THEY CERTAINLY DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. 503 00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:19,065 - THAT'S NOT TRUE. 504 00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:20,767 - NO, IT IS. 505 00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:21,802 AND IT'S OKAY. 506 00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:23,770 PEOPLE CHANGE. 507 00:17:23,804 --> 00:17:25,839 THEIR INTERESTS CHANGE. 508 00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:28,809 IT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD. 509 00:17:28,842 --> 00:17:32,078 WHEN DID KIDS GET SO INTERESTED IN FUN? 510 00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,582 AH... 511 00:17:35,616 --> 00:17:38,885 I'M GONNA TURN IN. 512 00:17:38,919 --> 00:17:41,688 YOU WERE RIGHT, BY THE WAY. 513 00:17:41,722 --> 00:17:43,690 YOUR GROUP IS BETTER. 514 00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:51,598 - WHAT'S WRONG? OUT WITH IT. 515 00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:55,135 - I WAS...SEEING A WOMAN, 516 00:17:55,168 --> 00:17:57,137 UH, FOR A WHILE, AND THEN 517 00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,339 WE STOPPED SEEING EACH OTHER. 518 00:17:59,372 --> 00:18:02,042 UH, PRETTY RECENTLY. 519 00:18:02,075 --> 00:18:04,277 - THAT'S WHY YOU'VE BEEN OFF YOUR GAME. 520 00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,279 - SORRY, DOG. 521 00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:07,648 - YOU'RE A CATCH, WYATT. 522 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,382 YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY. 523 00:18:09,415 --> 00:18:11,117 - THERE'S CHICKENHEADS EVERYWHERE, BEN. 524 00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:12,385 CHICKENHEADS ALL AROUND THIS MALL. 525 00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:14,320 YOU'RE GONNA FIND ONE, AND YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT. 526 00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:15,321 BUT, FOR NOW, WHY DON'T YOU LET IT OUT? 527 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,357 TREAT YOURSELF TO A GOOD CRY. 528 00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,393 ONE QUESTION, THOUGH. 529 00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:22,295 - YEAH? 530 00:18:22,328 --> 00:18:26,099 - WHY SO SERIOUS? 531 00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:29,235 - WAIT, I GOT SOMETHING. 532 00:18:29,269 --> 00:18:30,236 OH! 533 00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:32,272 - COOL! AWESOME! NICE! 534 00:18:32,305 --> 00:18:34,207 - THANKS, D-MONEY. 535 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,208 - WHAT KIND OF BAIT DID YOU USE? 536 00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:37,978 - I BOUGHT THIS MACKEREL AT THE SUPERMARKET. 537 00:18:38,011 --> 00:18:39,245 I'VE BEEN STANDING IN THE WATER 538 00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:40,246 WITH THE FISH ON MY HOOK 539 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,182 FOR 30 MINUTES. 540 00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:44,284 I SAW IT ON AN EPISODE OF I LOVE LUCY. 541 00:18:44,317 --> 00:18:45,819 PATHETIC? MAYBE. 542 00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:47,320 BUT, FEELS PRETTY GOOD TO HAVE A BUNCH OF LITTLE BOYS 543 00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:49,122 BE SUPER INTO ME. 544 00:18:49,155 --> 00:18:50,123 THAT CAME OUT WRONG. 545 00:18:50,156 --> 00:18:51,424 - RON! 546 00:18:51,457 --> 00:18:53,226 COME FISH WITH US! 547 00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:55,128 - THAT'S OKAY. 548 00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:57,063 SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE THINGS UNDER CONTROL. 549 00:18:57,097 --> 00:18:57,964 - COME ON! 550 00:18:57,998 --> 00:18:59,399 COME DO THAT THING WHERE YOU CATCH ONE 551 00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:00,767 WITH YOUR HANDS! 552 00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,736 I'VE SEEN HIM DO IT, IT'S INCREDIBLE. 553 00:19:02,769 --> 00:19:03,536 - RON, COME ON! 554 00:19:03,569 --> 00:19:05,939 WE NEED YOU TO HELP US HAVE FUN! 555 00:19:05,972 --> 00:19:07,440 - FIRST ANNUAL LESLIE KNOPE 556 00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:09,876 REMOTE CONTROL SPEEDBOAT RACE! 557 00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:12,679 [cheering] 558 00:19:12,713 --> 00:19:13,714 - SEE YA MONDAY. 559 00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:23,890 - JERRY. 560 00:19:23,924 --> 00:19:24,991 - WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? 561 00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,993 - LISTEN, AS I SAID EARLIER, 562 00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:29,162 I WANT KEEP EVERYTHING ABOVE BOARD IN REGARDS 563 00:19:29,195 --> 00:19:30,330 TO MY RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. 564 00:19:30,363 --> 00:19:33,934 AND, AS YOU KNOW, MILLICENT AND I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT. 565 00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:35,435 AND...IT WENT TERRIFIC. 566 00:19:35,468 --> 00:19:36,737 - CHRIS, THAT'S GREAT, 567 00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:37,738 BUT YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS. 568 00:19:37,771 --> 00:19:39,740 - AGAIN, THE DATE WAS AMAZING, 569 00:19:39,773 --> 00:19:42,175 WE HAD SPARKLING CONVERSATION, 570 00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:44,110 AND, FULL DISCLOSURE, 571 00:19:44,144 --> 00:19:45,779 SHE DID SPEND THE NIGHT AT MY HOUSE. 572 00:19:45,812 --> 00:19:47,280 HAVE A GREAT DAY, JERRY. 573 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,321 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 574 00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:56,957 - WE'RE HERE FOR THE CLUB. 575 00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:58,224 - THAT WAS LAST WEEK. 576 00:19:58,258 --> 00:19:59,760 - THE AD SAYS TODAY. 577 00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:00,593 - AD? 578 00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:06,166 - "ARE YOU TOUGH AS NAILS? 579 00:20:06,199 --> 00:20:07,868 " WOULD YOU RATHER SLEEP ON A BED OF PINE NEEDLES 580 00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:09,235 "THAN A MATTRESS? 581 00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:11,071 "DO YOU FIND VIDEO GAMES POINTLESS 582 00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:13,306 "AND SHOPPING MALLS STUPID? 583 00:20:13,339 --> 00:20:15,275 "DO YOU MARCH TO THE BEAT OF YOUR OWN DRUMMER? 584 00:20:15,308 --> 00:20:18,278 "DID YOU MAKE THE DRUM YOURSELF? 585 00:20:18,311 --> 00:20:21,381 "IF SO, YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE 586 00:20:21,414 --> 00:20:23,216 "A SWANSON. 587 00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:26,019 "PAWNEE'S MOST HARDCORE OUTDOOR CLUB STARTS TODAY. 588 00:20:26,052 --> 00:20:29,055 BOYS AND GIRLS WELCOME." 589 00:20:31,257 --> 00:20:32,158 - SWANSONS! 590 00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:34,327 ARE YOU PREPARED FOR WHATEVER LIES AHEAD? 591 00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:35,361 all: YES, SIR. 592 00:20:35,395 --> 00:20:36,296 - BEFORE WE PROCEED, 593 00:20:36,329 --> 00:20:39,833 DO ANY OF HAVE ANY DIETARY RESTRICTIONS? 594 00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:41,802 CORRECT, YOU DO NOT. 595 00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,236 FIRST OUTING IS RIGHT NOW. 596 00:20:43,269 --> 00:20:44,470 I WILL BE TEACHING YOU 597 00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:47,307 TO DIG A PROPER TRENCH. 598 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,142 DOES THAT SOUND LIKE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO? 599 00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:51,411 all: YES, SIR. 600 00:20:51,444 --> 00:20:53,479 - THIS WILL BE NO FUN AT ALL. 601 00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,552 - [sighs] THE INTERNET'S NOT WORKING. 602 00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:00,553 - BEN! 603 00:21:00,586 --> 00:21:01,855 - WE NEED YOUR HELP. 604 00:21:01,888 --> 00:21:02,923 - GUYS, I'VE TOLD YOU HOW TO DO IT. 605 00:21:02,956 --> 00:21:04,024 YOU JUST UNPLUG THE ROUTER 606 00:21:04,057 --> 00:21:05,892 AND THEN YOU PLUG IT BACK IN AGAIN. 607 00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:10,363 GUESS I'LL DO IT. 608 00:21:14,935 --> 00:21:16,102 - STILL NOT WORKING. 609 00:21:16,136 --> 00:21:18,204 - WELL, GIVE IT A MINUTE. GOD. 610 00:21:18,238 --> 00:21:20,974 - [sighs] 611 00:21:21,007 --> 00:21:22,075 - OKAY, IT'S WORKING. 612 00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:26,675 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0